The Happiest Place on Earth?

Yes, yes, I know it's been a while since I last wrote. I'm sorry, please forgive....blah blah, etc. Get over it.

As one may have surmised by the embarrassing pictures posted without my approval on my family's blog, we recently spent some time at Disney World with the family. It was great to see Grandparents from back west, Aunts and Uncles from around the country, and the little cousins running here and there. It was fabulous to see the kids have a great time on the rides, etc. and it was very pleasing to be away from work for more than a nights rest. We were very grateful for everyone that made it happen.

However, at the end of the day, this trip was an eye opener for me. I realized that this trip was exactly 30 years too late.

When I was younger I went to Disneyland with my folks. It was a great trip. Mind you, on the way there we got lost on L.A.'s cluster of highways and this was after too many hours of driving through a barren wasteland. The batteries to my new Sony Walkman died about halfway to Las Vegas, which meant I actually had to listen to my parents singing primary hymns in their effort to make the trip go by quicker (hint to parents: primary hymns sung by parents in car to unsuspecting children unable to escape is a guarantee for future rebellion). Once we got to Disney, the park was hot enough to make me sweat like a whore in church. On the way home my brother got sick enough to fill the backseat with every color of the rainbow. But despite all the negative, it was the best vacation ever. Why? Because the thrill of experiencing The Pirates of the Carribean or the Haunted house or Space Mountain had obliterated anything bad.
So, when I heard of Disney World, I used to imagine that it would be my childhood vacation multiplied by 10.

Indeed, I felt that only bliss would bubble forth from such an undertaking...I was wrong...and I'm too old.

Maybe I need to be sprinkled by Tinkerbell. Heck, maybe I need to capture tinkerbell and wear her around my neck...because for me, Disney isn't the happiest place on earth. For a 36 year old pessamist, like myself, there is little appealing about trying to push your way through a throng of me-centered people focused on beating their neighbor to the next attraction. We were packed tight enough in each of the parks that I felt like I was being smuggled across the border in the trunk of a Hyundai.

Because my daughter had recently undgergone the knife for knee surgery, I had the pleasure of pushing her around in a wheelchair, which was no problem. That is, unless you take into account the fact that trying to push a wheelchair in Disneyland is like trying to merge into Atlanta traffic on a tricycle. Conversely, once I finally was able to merge, and was priding myself at being able to keep up with the flow of people, there was always a family that would stop in the middle of the path to talk about where they would eat, or what ride was next, completely oblivious to the 30,000 people that had to stop behind them. I was smiling during times like these, not because I was happy, but because of the various types of torture that I mentally administered to those that stopped in front of the wheelchair.

Being out in the sun generated quite a thirst, of course. Consequently, I learned that if you want to buy a drink in Disneyland, you can get one anywhere. But finding a drinking fountain was a task equal to finding integrity in Washington D.C....difficult, if not impossible! When a fountain was found, the water was as warm as, and flowed as slowly as the pee of a man with prostate cancer. It is little suprise, then, that when I asked for a drink at the concession stand and the attendant questioned, "You mean the 15 dollar 3 oz Coke?" I said eaglerly, "Yes, that one...give me two."
When I was younger, the cool rides outweighted the negative. The rides on this trip were still great, but not enough to destroy my cantankerous attitude. Is there a ride capable of such a task? I don't know, but when I find it, that's where I'm going on my next vacation.

I think I'm starting to understand why Michael Jackson needed a personal anethetist...he had to LIVE in his own Neverland. I've got one word....NEVER.

All in "the family"

When I was younger, I used to adhere myself to the T.V. screen when a “mafia”-related movie was aired. I don’t know why I liked them so much. Seeing the shows in the theater was really not possible because the likelihood of my parents letting me slip into a film where people were getting their brains blown all over their canoli was pretty slim. Consequently, whenever such a morsel came on the t.v., I was glued. Yes, I’ll admit it now, I was a Godfather junkie. Sure, the versions I watched were watered down. Cussing was replaced by a low paid actor doing innocuous voiceovers. We all know that a hit man for the Corleone’s likely wouldn’t say “Well Golly! You gosh darned traitor, I’m going to hunt down your family and feed them to the flipping fishes!” Some of the scenes were so poorly spliced after removing the juice that you would see someone reach for a gun one second, and then a second later see the same guy driving off with 3 people dead in a street! Despite the cuts, I loved it!

I’m a bit older now and don’t really get into the violence and cussing, and frankly, haven’t seen a good “mafia” flick for a while…but ol’ Corleone has still been on my mind. In my church, it’s the Bishop’s job to encourage people to live in such a way that brings happiness to them and their families. One of the perennial problems in the church is encouraging people to live and do the things that they profess to know is right and true. The other day I decided, while reminiscing about those good ol’ days in front of the movies, that our church’s Bishop’s would probably fare better, and achieve far greater results, if they could employ some “family” style organization.

In my church, we do “home teaching”…..er,….uh, were supposed to do “home teaching.” Which means that as members of the church, we watch over other families that also pertain to our congregation, we visit them regularly, and do all we can to support them in this life. One of the things that we report on is whether or not we have seen and helped the various families that we are responsible to look after. I’ve decided that it’s probably time for the Bishop’s to try some other ways to “persuade” the brethren to accomplish this task.

For example, Instead of two counselors to serve with the Bishop, he should hire two very large gentlemen with broken noses, and who have “baby face” or “knuckles” inserted in between their first and last names. Think about it, peoples planners would be opening left and right, pencils would be writing feverishly the names and numbers of their assigned families if the following were announced during a reorganization of a ward:“We have called the following brethren to serve in the bishopric at this time. If your name is read, please stand and remain standing until voted upon. We have called Brother Jimmy “The Whip” Fettuccine as first counselor and Brother Jack “lip-splitter” Malone as second counselor. The focus that we have asked them to implement is HOME TEACHING…“ These said “consigliores” would stand behind the Bishop, one hand in their suit pocket during the various interviews that he would have the pleasure of performing. Miracles would happen.

Or, what if the problem lay in a particular family being too busy to permit their home teachers to come over regularly? No problem! Send the “consigliores” to the door of such a family, sunglasses neatly worn, to say something along the lines of: “I’ve got a couple of brethren that are supposed to be seeing your family, and you know what…” (while tapping on the bulk behind his lapel) “I believe they have a message you can’t refuse. When can they come?”

Yes, I believe it’s time to start a new “family” focused ministry.

Foresight?

Tonight I sat on the couch and watched the Presidential debates with my family. This is always an interesting activity due to the bi-partisan household that I live in. There is, however, reaching across the aisle my home, especially when the gravy is on her side of the table.....

Nonetheless, as I watched each candidate bicker and deepen the divisiveness in the political discussion, it was interesting to me to see each candidate boast of their foreknowledge of the economic woes now facing the nation, and of their prowess in solution finding if or when elected to office. One candidate praised himself for his previous decision making, the other blamed the current administration for what has happened thus far...and so went the discussion.

As I watched, I couldn't help but remember sitting in a dark, yet friendly gathering of gentlemen all convened to hear counsel. They weren't rallying behind a candidate at the time, or trying to spin his or her comment to best match their political views; rather, they were gathered to listen to someone that they respected.

It was October of 1998, almost 10 years ago. The timing is somewhat important, based on the nature of the comments. Please read, as I believe the counsel was timely. Interestingly, there was no boasting, nor has there been since, of "I knew it first" in order to gain public approval or to sway a vote....

Here's what was said:

"I wish to speak to you about temporal matters.

As a backdrop for what I wish to say, I read to you a few verses from the 41st chapter of Genesis.

Pharaoh, the ruler of Egypt, dreamed dreams which greatly troubled him. The wise men of his court could not give an interpretation. Joseph was then brought before him: "Pharaoh said unto Joseph, In my dream, behold, I stood upon the bank of the river:

"And, behold, there came up out of the river seven kine, fatfleshed and well favoured; and they fed in a meadow:

"And, behold, seven other kine came up after them, poor and very ill favoured and leanfleshed. . . .

"And the lean and the ill favoured kine did eat up the first seven fat kine: . . .

"And I saw in my dream . . . seven ears came up in one stalk, full and good:

"And, behold, seven ears, withered, thin, and blasted with the east wind, sprung up after them:

"And the thin ears devoured the seven good ears: . . .

"And Joseph said unto Pharaoh, . . . God hath shewed Pharaoh what he is about to do.

"The seven good kine are seven years; and the seven good ears are seven years: the dream is one. . . .

". . . What God is about to do he sheweth unto Pharaoh.

"Behold, there come seven years of great plenty throughout all the land of Egypt:

"And there shall arise after them seven years of famine.

". . . And God will shortly bring it to pass" (Gen. 41:17­20, 22­26, 28­30, 32).

Now, brethren, I want to make it very clear that I am not prophesying, that I am not predicting years of famine in the future. But I am suggesting that the time has come to get our houses in order.

So many of our people are living on the very edge of their incomes. In fact, some are living on borrowings.

We have witnessed in recent weeks wide and fearsome swings in the markets of the world. The economy is a fragile thing. A stumble in the economy in Jakarta or Moscow can immediately affect the entire world. It can eventually reach down to each of us as individuals. There is a portent of stormy weather ahead to which we had better give heed.

I hope with all my heart that we shall never slip into a depression. I am a child of the Great Depression of the thirties. I finished the university in 1932, when unemployment in this area exceeded 33 percent.

My father was then president of the largest stake in the Church in this valley. It was before our present welfare program was established. He walked the floor worrying about his people. He and his associates established a great wood-chopping project designed to keep the home furnaces and stoves going and the people warm in the winter. They had no money with which to buy coal. Men who had been affluent were among those who chopped wood.

I repeat, I hope we will never again see such a depression. But I am troubled by the huge consumer installment debt which hangs over the people of the nation, including our own people. In March 1997 that debt totaled $1.2 trillion, which represented a 7 percent increase over the previous year.

In December of 1997, 55 to 60 million households in the United States carried credit card balances. These balances averaged more than $7,000 and cost $1,000 per year in interest and fees. Consumer debt as a percentage of disposable income rose from 16.3 percent in 1993 to 19.3 percent in 1996.

Everyone knows that every dollar borrowed carries with it the penalty of paying interest. When money cannot be repaid, then bankruptcy follows. There were 1,350,118 bankruptcies in the United States last year. This represented a 50 percent increase from 1992. In the second quarter of this year, nearly 362,000 persons filed for bankruptcy, a record number for a three-month period.

We are beguiled by seductive advertising. Television carries the enticing invitation to borrow up to 125 percent of the value of one's home. But no mention is made of interest.

President J. Reuben Clark Jr., in the priesthood meeting of the conference in 1938, said from this pulpit: "Once in debt, interest is your companion every minute of the day and night; you cannot shun it or slip away from it; you cannot dismiss it; it yields neither to entreaties, demands, or orders; and whenever you get in its way or cross its course or fail to meet its demands, it crushes you" (in Conference Report, Apr. 1938, 103).

I recognize that it may be necessary to borrow to get a home, of course. But let us buy a home that we can afford and thus ease the payments which will constantly hang over our heads without mercy or respite for as long as 30 years.

No one knows when emergencies will strike. I am somewhat familiar with the case of a man who was highly successful in his profession. He lived in comfort. He built a large home. Then one day he was suddenly involved in a serious accident. Instantly, without warning, he almost lost his life. He was left a cripple. Destroyed was his earning power. He faced huge medical bills. He had other payments to make. He was helpless before his creditors. One moment he was rich, the next he was broke.

Since the beginnings of the Church, the Lord has spoken on this matter of debt. To Martin Harris through revelation, He said: "Pay the debt thou hast contracted with the printer. Release thyself from bondage" (D&C 19:35).

President Heber J. Grant spoke repeatedly on this matter from this pulpit. He said: "If there is any one thing that will bring peace and contentment into the human heart, and into the family, it is to live within our means. And if there is any one thing that is grinding and discouraging and disheartening, it is to have debts and obligations that one cannot meet" (Gospel Standards, comp. G. Homer Durham [1941], 111).

We are carrying a message of self-reliance throughout the Church. Self-reliance cannot obtain when there is serious debt hanging over a household. One has neither independence nor freedom from bondage when he is obligated to others.

In managing the affairs of the Church, we have tried to set an example. We have, as a matter of policy, stringently followed the practice of setting aside each year a percentage of the income of the Church against a possible day of need.

I am grateful to be able to say that the Church in all its operations, in all its undertakings, in all of its departments, is able to function without borrowed money. If we cannot get along, we will curtail our programs. We will shrink expenditures to fit the income. We will not borrow.

One of the happiest days in the life of President Joseph F. Smith was the day the Church paid off its long-standing indebtedness.

What a wonderful feeling it is to be free of debt, to have a little money against a day of emergency put away where it can be retrieved when necessary.

President Faust would not tell you this himself. Perhaps I can tell it, and he can take it out on me afterward. He had a mortgage on his home drawing 4 percent interest. Many people would have told him he was foolish to pay off that mortgage when it carried so low a rate of interest. But the first opportunity he had to acquire some means, he and his wife determined they would pay off their mortgage. He has been free of debt since that day. That's why he wears a smile on his face, and that's why he whistles while he works.

I urge you, brethren, to look to the condition of your finances. I urge you to be modest in your expenditures; discipline yourselves in your purchases to avoid debt to the extent possible. Pay off debt as quickly as you can, and free yourselves from bondage.

This is a part of the temporal gospel in which we believe. May the Lord bless you, my beloved brethren, to set your houses in order. If you have paid your debts, if you have a reserve, even though it be small, then should storms howl about your head, you will have shelter for your wives and children and peace in your hearts. That's all I have to say about it, but I wish to say it with all the emphasis of which I am capable..."

The speaker was Gordon B. Hinckley, then President of the Mormon Church, to which I belong. Certainly, I am biased to his counsel, and will not try to hide it, but the more I read that particular message, the more I see the wisdom in following it, regardless of the religious affiliation.

Tonight, amid the contentious exchanges amongst aspiring candidates, I am particularly grateful that there are voices out there which also genuinely desire to safeguard and help, but not in order to please a constituency.

No Words...

My wife sent me an email the other day with this video embedded. As I watched, I couldn't help but think about my relationship with diety and how I feel that he carries me, despite my weaknesses and my inability to do for myself in so many areas.

Here is the information surrounding the clip:

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father, despite the fact that he has a heart condition, says 'Yes'. They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.'
To which his father said once again, 'Yes'.

For those who didn't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island

Father and son went on to complete the race together. View this

Wii Fat?

A couple of weeks ago my wife brought home a new game for our Wii console called Wii Fit. In a nutshell, it is Nintendo's attempt at getting pudgy gamers moving while escaping into virtual reality. When we first hooked it up, it was fun watching the kids making their characters, doing the exercises and the games, and actually jumping on the little wii gadget for hours at a time. The virtual trainer has them doing yoga, strength exercises, balance exercises and all sorts of other things.

Today I found myself alone with my youngest while the rest of the family went out to a museum in Atlanta. Knowing that there were not going to be any onlooking adults, I decided to try this Wii Fit gadget for myself. My 4 year old navigated me through the process of setting up a character, getting my information entered, and showed me how to begin play. He seemed genuinely interested in spending a couple of hours playing with his Dad. There were even comments of encouragement after certain activities like, "Good Job, Dad!" and as I advanced through various stages, he would add, "I haven't been able to pass that one yet."
Despite my wobbly stance on the small motion sensor, my confidence grew and I even gave my son a few complimentary "flex poses" and the white man's overbite to punctuate my prowess.

That is, until, I chose the Yoga portion of the game.
Through regular game play you end up unlocking various poses and activities as you progress in your skills. Eventually, I unlocked a yoga pose entitled the dancer or something like that. It should have been called, "Death by Charlie Horse."

Here is the screenshot of the trainer going through the demonstration.
Despite the fact that I haven't been able to reach the bottom of my feet since I was an infant, I was still emboldened by my advancement in some of the other activities. "Yoga Shmoga," I thought to myself, and then created a mental picture of my ability to whip this baby out as well. This is how I appeared in my mind's eye:However, when the clocked ticked down, and the trainer began to give instructions such as "reach down with your left hand, keeping your knees unbent, and secure your left foot...." I realized that my ability to complete the pose would have been the same as if she had said, "Lift your left leg behind your back, wrap it around your neck twice like a scarf and let it rest on your right shoulder....that's right, now breathe..."

I stretched and fidgeted, still clinging to my mental picture of yoga skill. My 4 year old son who was bubbling with compliments just minutes before suddenly burst uncontrollably with laughter and collapsed on the couch next to me. I realized at this point that he wasn't seeing the same yoga master I was envisioning. Instead, he was seeing something like this:
I don't believe that I have seen my son laugh this hard before. Gasping for breath, tears streaming down the side of his face, he had to turn his head away from his flailing father because it was actually physically painful for his little body to continue to laugh.

I was devastated, but as I saw the joy that I was bringing to my son, I began laughing as well, which, in hindsight, was a lot less painful than continuing to attempt the pose.

There will be other days for the Wii fit yoga section...but I'll be doing it when everyone is in bed and the sound will be muted.

The Chosen

A few minutes ago I finished reading once more "The Chosen" by Chaim Potok. I read it when i was younger, and probably ingested a small fraction of what was offered, yet even when young was able to relate and value the lessons taught therein. Now that I am older, am a father, and have lived a few more years, the insight this book provides seems priceless.

There is a passage which details a conversation between an ailing father and the main character, Reuven. Reuven grows frustrated with his father because he won't slow down despite his illness, and this is the response that ensues...

"You are no longer a child, Reuven, . . .It is almost possible to see the way your mind is growing. And your heart, too. . . .So listen to what I am going to tell you. . . .Human beings do not live forever, Reuven. We live less than the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity. So it may be asked what value is there to a human life. There is so much pain in the world. What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye? . . .I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives the span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant. Do you understand what I am saying? A man must fill his life with meaning, meaning is not automatically given to life. It is hard work to fill one's life with meaning. That I do not think you understand yet. A life filled with meaning is worthy of rest. I want to be worthy of rest when I am no longer here. Do you understand what I am saying?"

What a powerful statement. It has caused me to look inward and ask myself "Is my life worthy of rest?" We so often get distracted by focusing on those things that are fleeting. My father once admonished me to be careful of pursuing that "tinkling nothingness that fades." What wise counsel! I fall short of the expectations that I put upon myself, but it is so wonderful to be gently reminded by parents, friends and even novelists that "a man MUST fill his life with meaning...meaning is not automatically given to life."

Darth Vader Feels Blue

I happened across this tonight after a grueling day at work. I was tired and "slap-happy." When I saw this video I laughed so hard that I woke up my children and almost peed all over myself. I hope it brings as much satisfaction to you as it did me. Only a true die-hard Star Wars fan will truly savor......